Baby Cart at the River Styx (Color,
1972) AKA Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart at the River Styx, Sword
of Vengeance II, Kozure Ôkami: Sanzu no kawa no ubaguruma
("Perambulator of the River of Sanzu")
Much of the footage was later used in the American dubbed release, Shogun
Assassin. Second Lone Wolf and Cub film, in which Itto Ogami is hired
to kill a man protected by three brothers known as The Gods of Death. Unfortunately,
Ogami is also the target of a clan of female Yagyu ninja who try to hypnotize
him with colored cloth, throw razor-lined hats at him, and even attack him
with radishes. With the help of Daigoro and the infamous baby cart of doom,
he gets past them, but is left near death from blood loss. After some touching
scenes with Daigoro resourcefully caring for his comatose father, Ogami's
enemies kidnap the child and almost toss him down a well. After getting through
this pitfall, Ogami boards a ship carrying the Gods of Death, each of whom
uses a unique weapon - one uses a metal claw, one mailed fists, and one a
spiked club. The ship is set on fire, but Ogami escapes to face the Gods of
Death in a desert showdown. One of the best in the series: existential, dark,
beautiful, and very, very bloody. Don't miss a chance to see this, or any
of the others in the series. (This film is more commonly known in America
as Shogun Assassin, but in that form it's re-edited to include footage
from the first Lone Wolf and Cub film, Sword of Vengeance. Narration
by Daigoro was written & added as well.) -zwolf
Baby Cart In the Land of Demons
(Color, 1973) AKA Kozure Ôkami: Meifumado ("Crossroads to
Hell") Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in the Land of Demons, Sword
of Vengeance V
One of the best in the Lone Wolf and Cub samurai film series. Assassin Ogami
Itto and his toddler son Daigoro meet several men on the road who will each
pay a fifth of his fee and tell him a fifth of his assignment; the catch is,
he has to kill each of them in battle to prove that he's the man for the job.
One of them even falls into a fire and relates his story while he's burning
to death. On the way to his mission (which is to kill an abbot and recover
a document that would destroy a clan), Ogami loses track of Daigoro, who gets
mixed up with a female pickpocket. It's a very well-done subplot and perhaps
the most powerful episode in the series: Daigoro takes a beating in order
to teach the pick-pocket a lesson and turn her away from crime. Ogami does
his job, even though he's got to go through a couple of small armies to do
it. There's a little less blood than usual, but the fights are still amazing
- brutally violent but at the same time artistically beautiful. -zwolf
Baby Cart To Hades (Color, 1972)
AKA Kozure Ôkami: Shinikazeni mukau ubaguruma ("Perambulator
Against the Winds of Death") Lightning Swords of Death (the dubbed
American version), Lupine Wolf, Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart to
Hades, Baby Cart in Hades, Sword of Vengeance III
Ogami is contracted to get revenge on a governor who had betrayed a clan lord
in order to gain control himself. This governor tries to trap Ogami, but he
underestimated him - a whole army isn't enough to take down the Lone Wolf,
as long as he's got that baby cart handy. The third film in the series addresses
a new problem facing the bushido system - guns - and set the trend of having
Ogami take on an entire army at the climax. The finale here is probably the
most memorable action sequence in the series, and the body count is astronomical
and very graphic (one of the decapitations is one of the best such effects
I've ever seen). There's also a powerful subplot with Ogami defending a girl
who killed a pimp, even if he must endure a beating and water torture at the
hands of the Yakuza in her stead, and another subplot detailing Ogami's respectful
dealings with a samurai who worries that he's been disgraced. -zwolf
Badlands (C, 1973)
Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek turn in some of their best performances in this
one-of-a-kind film based on the Charlie Starkweather murder spree. Charismatic
(and weird) garbageman Sheen runs off with his girlfriend Spacek and they
go on a killing spree that manages to be both chilling and strangely poetic.
One of those movies you can't see enough times, so don't miss a chance to
see it. Terrence Malick's direction is very unique and close to perfection.
-zwolf
Bang (C, 1996)
This extremely low budget (I'd be kinda surprised if it was into four figures)
shot-on-video crime drama is like a poor-man's Reservoir Dogs with
a few low-brow comedy elements thrown in. Four police officers are kidnapped
by some Crip-like gangsters with bandanas on their faces (but with holes cut
in 'em so they can still smoke!) They're beaten up with nunchuks (wielded
by co-producer El Timo, who's a really sinister-looking long-haired black
man) and once an hour the masked guys come in, play some really bad rap song
about "Little Boy Blue," and shoot one of the cops (I don't think they could
even afford blanks - the shots are mostly sound effects). In the meantime
the cops reflect on what bad things they did that may have brought them to
this impasse (one stole some drug money, another messed with a married woman,
one humiliated a motorist by making him wet his pants, etc.) - turns out they're
all wrong. It's very amateurish but it's not all bad - it'll keep you entertained
for 90 minutes despite its serious shortcomings (like pickup trucks that have
to stand in for cop cars, etc.). The acting is decent, but the climactic kung-fu
fight between co-producer El Timo and writer/director/producer King Jeff is
one of the most absolutely hilarious things you'll ever see. El Timo and King
Jeff also did the music and editing. Overall it's not bad at all for a home-job,
really. I was never bored, and these guys make up for a lot with their obvious
enthusiasm. The opening (reminiscent of the long waiting-for-a-train sequence
at the beginning of Sergio Leone's Once Upon A Time In The West) is
pretty funny and at least shows you that you're in the hands of guys who care
about what they're doing. JeTi Films is based in Louisiana and also brought
you another short movie called The Murder Men, which is also worth
a look. Both are available on DVD in a box set called Livin' Da Life,
which gives you ten movies on DVD for 'bout twelve bucks, so you can't go
wrong. -zwolf
Baron Blood (C, 1972) AKA The
Torture Chamber of Baron Blood, Chamber of Tortures, The Blood
Baron, The Thirst Of Baron Blood, Baron Vampire, Gli
orrii del castello di Norimberga
This is a Mario Bava horror film and that's the main thing you need to know,
because all Bava is essential. A young man named Peter visits his ancestral
home, "The Castle of the Devils," in Austria. His ancestor was the
notorious Baron Von Kleist, who tortured to death hundreds of villagers, often
impaling their bodies on the roof of the castle. Peter brings an old manuscript
containing an incantation written by a witch named Elisabeth Holley, whom
the Baron had burned to death. She left it as a curse to resurrect him from
the dead. Just as a joke, he and Elke Sommer go to the castle and perform
the ritual. When bells start tolling and something rattles the door, they
revoke the spirit. Later they find a hidden room with a ruined portrait of
the baron, and they try the incantation again. The manuscript is blown into
the fire afterward so they can't revoke it, and a wheezing, pain-wracked thing
in a black cloak and a slouch hat crawls from a grave outside. Von Kleist
was subjected to a lot of torture before death, so he's in bad shape, broken
and bleeding. He gets medical attention from a local doctor, then kills him
and sets out on a rampage, killing several more people by hanging and iron
maiden. Soon afterward a wheelchair-bound Joseph Cotton buys the Castle of
the Devils and Sommer goes to work for him, restoring the castle while being
stalked through its halls by the baron. They go to a local witch for help
in sending the Baron back, and she invokes the psychedelic spirit of Elisabeth
Holley, who says he can only be destroyed by his own victims. In a beautifully-atmospheric
sequence, a little girl gets hunted through forest paths near the castle -
in one brilliant shot she drops an apple and the camera tracks it down the
hill until it ends up with a shot of the Baron's tortured hand gripping a
tree. Joseph Cotton (doing his best Vincent Price) gives them a tour of the
castle and springs a few surprises on them. Beautiful, authentic locations,
a little gore (although rather restrained when you remember that just before
this Bava had filmed the splatter-laden Bay of Blood), and a welcome
throwback to Bava's earlier supernatural horror films. Baron Von Kleist is,
of course, based on Vlad Tepes, the real-life Dracula. The Baron's makeup
(by Carlo Rambaldi, who also made E.T.) and outfit are a nod to Vincent
Price's in House of Wax. -zwolf
Barood
(C, 1998)
Bollywood revenge flick in which a woman's husband was killed by a mob boss
who's so ruthless he even puts hits on people who cut him off in traffic.
For years this woman carries on a vigil, praying for revenge. Meanwhile, the
gangster's daughter Neha is a pop star, but she's bratty and shows up late
for a show, so the revenge-crazed woman's son, Jai (Akshay Kumar) - who, through
a stroke of only-Bollywood-would-have-the-balls-to-try-to-suspend-your-disbelief-this-far
luck, is also a pop star - shows up and does the show instead, dancing around
with his pants on fire (and that's not hyperbole - I mean, the guy's pants
are literally burning) to a song that cops riffs from "Smoke on the Water."
Neha has her up-and-coming gangster (and son of a corrupt police captain)
boyfriend Sanjay try to kill Jai, but they screw it up, resulting in some
insane car antics (some of which you can tell are inspired by Mad Max
- the rest are just madness, period!). Then some guy imitates M.C. Hammer
and Michael Jackson to open for Neha... who, much to her chagrin, is teamed
up with Jai. Even though Neha tried to kill him, Jai thinks she's kinda cute
so he tries to strike up a romance with her. She plays along and goes skiing
with him... but only so some more of her gangster buddies can try to snuff
'im. Jai kung fu fights a guy and there's a crazy ski-and-motorcycle (on snow?)
chase, followed by a snowmobile explosion fest where Jai saves Neha's life.
She regrets all those assassination attempts and tries to lure him back with
some musical number that seems based on that "Hush little baby, don't say
a word, mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird" song. Jai is a dope, so it works.
His mom finds out that his girlfriend is the gangster's daughter. Also, the
gangster has promised Neha to Sanjay. And if these weren't complications enough,
Jai becomes a policeman and swears to avenge his father's murder, unaware
that his fiancee's father is the killer. It's a completely impossible and
unbelievable situation that'll make orphans of damn near everybody before
it's over, but what the hell, it's a movie and they can get a lot of drama
out of this kinda thing, so just shelve your disbelief completely and go along
with it for the entertainment factor. Remember: Oedipus Rex ain't exactly
plausible, either, and that's a classic. Plus, the crazy plot results in lots
of explosions, kung fu, automotive mayhem, broken glass violence, double-crosses
and frame-ups, gunfire, a dance number with people dressed in bug costumes,
and plenty of ruthless vengeance. It's slowed up by the melodrama and musical
numbers in some places, and there are spots where you may scream "we get the
idea already, Jesus Christ, give it a damn rest!", but overall it'll probably
kick yer chubby ass. If nothing else, check out the last 20-30 minutes, which
is a very-ridiculous nonstop battle between Jai and a bunch of wrestlers and
kung fu experts in a fiery RDX factory. It's some of the craziest action you'll
see anywhere. Seriously - Ringo Lam would look at the last reel of this thing
and go, "Well, that's a little excessive, isn't it?" -zwolf
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (C,
1993)
This animated feature (an outgrowth of the TV cartoons) is much better than
any of the live-action movies. While Bruce Wayne has personal troubles of
his own (he's in love), Batman is wanted by the cops for bumping off gangsters.
'Cept the one really doing the gangster-snuffing is another caped figure called
The Phantasm, who moves around in a mist and has a big blade for a hand. The
Joker is all mixed up in it, too. Intelligent and well-written script and
dramatic, atmospheric artwork... even though it's fine for kids, adults will
enjoy it, too... maybe more than kids, since the plot is pretty complex and
serious. The cartoon series did a better job with the Batman character than
the "real" movies ever did. -zwolf
The Battle of the Bulge (C,1965)
One of those big-ass all-star war movies, this one serving up Henry Fonda,
Robert Shaw, Robert Ryan, Dana Andrews, Charles Bronson, George Montgomery,
and Telly Savalas, and its epic look demands to be seen in letterbox format.
It's rather slow going for a war film at first, and sometimes kind of artificial
(poor backscreen effects during driving or flying scenes, German soldiers
breaking into song during inspection, phony German accents). It takes about
an hour before there's any action, but then you get some fairly decent tank
battles. Panzers are rolling in, crushing all resistance, and when the Americans
try to blow up bridges to halt their progress, German spies ruin the plans.
Then the railroads try to rush in some artillery to handle the tanks, and
the Panzers put the quietus on that plan, too, making things look pretty bleak
for the good guys. But, o' course, you know the Allies won that one, so the
suspense ain't gonna kill you, unless you want to see what Hollywood solution
they come up with. You may not believe it when you see it... Still, this manages
to be some solid entertainment, even if it's not one of the WW2 masterpieces
and not all that historically accurate. -zwolf
Bay Of Blood (C, 1972) AKA Carnage,
Twitch Of The Death Nerve, Last House On The Left Part 2, New
House On The Left, Bloodbath Bay Of Blood
Paranoiac gorefest by Mario Bava that's not his most polished work, but still
may be his most influential, since it's the direct inspiration for all those
Friday the 13th movies, which not only took the basic idea - the stalking
and slashing of thirteen victims - but copied some of the killings to the
letter. Victim-fodder includes four goofy vacationing college students (including
one big silly German girl named Brunhilda who's like the human equivalent
of that girl rabbit who always wants Bugs Bunny to "give to me large
kiss!"), a guy who collects insects (and makes friends with them), his
tarot-reading wife, a guy who fishes for squid, and others. The killings (which
spare nothing - this is groundbreaking gore) include machetes in the face,
throat-slashing, two bodies speared while having sex, stabbings, stranglings,
decapitations, and more, all in close-up and with Bava's wonderful sense of
color and lighting. The plot is scant - people are basically snuffing each
other over a piece of prime real estate - but the film usually catches criticism
for overuses of the zoom lens. Eh... it's not a problem. All this... and a
funny surprise ending. Not Bava's masterpiece (for me, that'd be Kill Baby
Kill), but definite must-see stuff for splatter fans. -zwolf
Beach Red (C, 1967)
Engrossing, action-packed war film following soldiers landing on an island
in the South Pacific and slugging it out with the Japanese, who make them
work for every inch they gain. Pretty gory for its day, showing limbs torn
off and some pretty unpleasant deaths, making the point that war is hell.
First they land on the beach under heavy fire, then fight their way through
the fields and into the jungle. There they get a little rest, giving us a
chance to see flashbacks (be sure to look for the romantic encounter that
gets broken up by a father he's probably the absolute worst actor I've ever
seen - he only has about three lines and fucks every one of them up). The
captain (Cornell Wilde, who also directed) has to try to keep everyone human
and on track. They find out the Japanese number in the hundreds and plan to
attack dressed as American troops to cause confusion, and they have to find
some way to put a stop to it. Not a whole lot of plot, but other than that
it's all you could ask for out of a war movie. At times it's artsy (lots of
still pictures pop up to illustrate memories or fantasies) and at times it
looks a little bit cheap, but I was never bored, and for that I have no reservations
about recommending this one. -zwolf
The Beguiled (C, 1971)
Moody Southern gothic psychological pseudo-horror featuring the classic team
of Don Siegel directing and Clint Eastwood starring. Clint's a wounded Union
soldier who's taken in by a school full of Southern belles during the Civil
War. They hide him and take care of him because he's stringing them along,
using their loneliness to manipulate them. It works well as long as he's able
to juggle them, but he's a little too horny for his own good (thanks to that
hussy Carol, who's pretty hard to resist) and he gets caught by one of them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and his little Shangri-la turns into
a nightmare pretty quickly. Dark-themed and beautifully shot, with some surprising
twisted stuff (Clint kissing a 12-year old, school mistress Geraldine Page
using one of his injuries as an excuse for some sick vengeance, etc.) Very
well made and packs a chilly cumulative effect, partially due to the very
underplayed theme song which Clint sings (or mutters, really). Not Clint's
usual action flick, for sure, but definitely worth checking out. -zwolf
A Bell From Hell (C,
1973) AKA The Bell of Hell, La Campana del Inferno
Obscure Spanish horror about a sociopathic guy who's released from the asylum
and comes home. He takes a job at a slaughterhouse, then soon quits, saying
he's "learned enough." Then he begins playing a series of evil pranks. The
first is a weird riff on Saki's story "The Open Window" (look it up and read
it, 'cuz I'm not gonna tell ya 'bout it). Then he sets in on his aunt and
his cousins, who had him committed. Supposedly he wasn't really insane and
they just framed him to get access to his money, but his behavior makes you
wonder if perhaps the madhouse was where he belonged. He tells one woman that
he hooked a microphone to her bed, then says he'll tear out his eyes out of
guilt... then does it! But it's just makeup effects to horrify her. When she
faints he takes off her underwear to make her think he raped her while she
was unconscious. Then he rescues a girl who actually is about to
be raped, so maybe he's not all bad. But he probably is, since he soon starts
outfitting his basement as a slaughterhouse and then sprays attractant on
her face and unleashes a swarm of bees. While she's being stung he terrorizes
her daughters. For this, one of the townspeople sets up vengeance against
him involving a new church bell. The movie's great but was apparently cursed,
because on the last day of filming, director Claudio Guerin Hill fell (or
possibly jumped - stories vary) from the bell tower used in the film, and
that may be part of the reason this has slipped into obscurity. It was once
a part of WOR's great "Fright Night" package, before their station turned
to crap, and the videotape (also apparently containing an edited-for-TV print)
could occasionally be found in out-of-the-way video stores. Sinister Cinema
currently carries it on DVD-R, which is good, because it has some creepy moments
- especially at the end - and deserves a look. -zwolf
Below (C,
2002) AKA Das Haunted Boot, U-5666, Run Screaming Run Deep
Basically, a ghost story movie set on a submarine during WWII. An American
sub picks up three survivors from a torpedoed hospital ship: a British sailor,
a British nurse, and a wounded German who doesn't last very long. They're
going along, hiding from German warships, and deciding that the sub just might
be haunted... as if it's not scary enough avoiding sonar and grappling hooks
and depth charges, they also have to deal with record players turning themselves
on, lots of bad luck, the ship deciding to steer itself, and mysterious crew
deaths. The submarine-movie aspects overwhelm the ghost stuff and some of
the situations seem lifted directly from Das Boot (which may be unavoidable;
U-571 also cribbed heavily from it) but the dialogue is good and it
keeps moving. Not terribly original but effective and well-handled. -zwolf
A Better Tomorrow (C, 1986)
A John Woo film starring Chow Yun Fat... and that should be enough to tell
you that you should watch this if you get the chance. This was Woo's first
big hit (it broke box office records in Hong Kong) and looks cheaper than
more-familiar Woo/Fat films like The Killer or Hard Boiled,
but it's still a powerful gangland saga with incredible bullet-riddled action
sequences. Two brothers - one a cop, one a gangster - get at cross purposes
when some mobsters kill their father in retaliation for something the criminal
son did. Chow Yun Fat is a criminal friend - he pulls of a hit that's kind
of similar to one he did in The Killer, taking out a dozen or so guys,
pulling pistols out of potted plants instead of changing clips. There's a
lot of tragic melodrama mixed in with the mayhem as the cop brother treats
the criminal brother like dirt, even though the criminal brother loves him
more than anything and has changed his ways. Things pick up by the climax
for sure - total gunfire holocaust. Followed by a sequel - A Better Tomorrow
II, also directed by Woo - and a prequel - A Better Tomorrow III: Love
and Death in Saigon, which saw producer Tsui Hark taking over directorial
duties. A little stiffer than Woo's later films (it sometimes resembles some
of those old Italian gangster films, mainly in the editing, I think) but still
with all the stuff you watch Woo for. -zwolf
Beware My Lovely (B&W, 1952)
Widow Ida Lupino runs a boarding house since her husband died in WWI (she's
not that old - the movie's set in 1918) and her boarder is going on vacation
as her new handyman, Robert Ryan, shows up. Her dog is suspicious of him,
and for good reason - he's a train-hopping psycho who killed the last woman
he worked for and doesn't even remember doing it. He seems like a pleasant-enough
guy, but every time he has a minute to himself he twinges with madness, and
it quickly becomes obvious that he's a seriously troubled guy - he's very
fatalistic and has a persecution complex. Ida's bitchy teenage niece doesn't
help matters any by taunting him, and he starts ranting to Ida about how the
army rejected him and she figures out she made a bad mistake hiring this guy;
he can't even remember where he lives and is just totally unable to function,
and he's locked them both up inside the house and is getting increasingly
bitter and violent... Very tense film noir plays out in real time for the
most part, gets started fast and keeps on building, with stark, claustrophobic
direction and a real sense of menace. -zwolf
The Beyond (C, 1981) AKA E tu
vivrai nel terrore L'aldilà, L'aldilà, Seven Doors
of Death
Considered by many to be Lucio Fulci's best film, this is a catalogue of extreme
gore effects. The plot is similar to that of City of the Living Dead:
one of the seven gates of Hell (this one under a Louisiana mansion) has opened,
causing the dead to walk the earth and various other unpleasant supernatural
things to happen. There's really not much to the plot - it doesn't make a
lot of sense - but there are some incredible scenes along the way both artistically
creepy (encountering a blind girl on the long, empty Lake Ponchartrain bridge,
a house full of the shadows of the dead walking in the rooms (looks a lot
like the famous "arrival of the exorcist" scene in The Exorcist)
and astoundingly gory (eye-gouging - from front and back! - spiders tearing
at a man's face in extreme close-up, dogs tearing out throats, chain-whipping
avulsions, acid eating faces, zombies being shot in the head, etc.). I don't
know if this is really Fulci's best film - Zombie seems to be the one
I re-watch most often - but it's definitely a must-see for anyone interested
in Fulci or in Italian horror in general. One of the greatest and most extreme
gore films. -zwolf
Beyond the Mat (C, 1999)
Well-done documentary on professional wrestling was pretty controversial upon
its release because Vince McMahon, owner of the World Wrestling Federation,
fought to suppress it. Why, I'm not certain, because it doesn't say anything
particularly bad about the business in general, and the days of "kayfabe"
are over. The film covers mainly Mick "Mankind" Foley (and is partially
responsible for him deciding to go ahead and retire from the ring, because
he saw the effect that the brutal beatings he was taking in the ring was having
on his loved ones who had to watch it), Terry Funk (whose career just can't
seem to find a stopping place even though he's in his mid-50's and his body's
wearing out) and Jake "The Snake" Roberts (whose career is on the
skids because of his personal hell of drugs (he's a crackhead) and bad family
relations). Other stars like ECW's New Jack (ya gotta love this guy... and
be terrified of 'im!), Chyna, Spike Dudley, Koko B. Ware, The Rock, Droz,
indy star Mike Modest, and other wrestlers and promoters get some camera time
as well, and you get to see that even though wrestling isn't completely "real,"
it's not nearly as fake as you'd think. It's pretty tough to watch Mick Foley
getting a huge gash in his head stitched up and not see that there's definitely
a reality quotient. Well-done and should be fascinating viewing even for non-fans,
although o' course wrestling fans are the ones who'll really mark out over
it... as Paul Heyman might say, "This is a shoot!" The DVD also
includes commentary tracks featuring Mick Foley and Terry Funk, both of whom
offer very entertaining and informative info, as well as coming across as
genuinely cool people who just happen to have psychotic jobs. -zwolf
Bhoot
(C, 2003)
The title means "ghost" or "spirit," and that's what this Indian horror film
is about. The story is pretty simple (and somewhat similar to the story in
Raat, which probably influenced this film): a couple move into a
new apartment, where the previous tenant had killed herself by jumping off
the balcony. The wife starts seeing her walking around the house, which scares
the hell out of her and eventually leads to her becoming possessed by the
ghost, who has some unfinished business to attend. The husband doesn't believe
she's just mentally ill and calls in a (spookily beautiful) medium to exorcize
the spirit. The special effects are minimal (the possession is done with scary
acting alone - no pea soup or make up other than dark lack-of-sleep circles
around her eyes) and there are some effective shocks caused by ghostly people
stepping out of rooms, etc. Use of music, sound effects, and camera angles
maintain an ominous atmosphere, and the bit just before the end credits leaves
you with a creepy feeling. It also includes (like Raat) a sequence
in a movie theatre, which has enough overheard-dialogue from Spider-Man
to possibly support a copyright-infringement lawsuit. It's not super-scary
(although it probably worked better in the theatre) but is a welcome addition
to the post-Sixth Sense ghost genre and hopefully will lead to more
Hindi horror. This one - rather bravely for a Bollywood film - didn't include
any musical numbers at all. -zwolf
Bird With The Crystal Plumage (C,
1969) AKA Bird With The Glass Feathers, Phantom of Terror, The
Gallery Murders, L' Uccello dalle piume di cristallo
Early Argento giallo film, and the first of a trio of animal-titled thrillers
(with Four Flies On Grey Velvet and Cat O' Nine Tails) that
set off lots of copycat films in Italy. Tony Musante is an American writer
who just wants to get out of Italy, but as he's trying to leave he witnesses
an attempted murder through the front windows of a gallery. Since he's a witness
the cops won't let him leave the country, and apparently the murderer wants
to make him leave this plane of existence before he can remember the details
of what he witnessed, because (as in Deep Red) something in
his memory is nagging at him. Finally discovering the killer's identity obsesses
him so much that he risks being killed to uncover it. Not quite the shock-machine
that Argento later became famous for, but it's still an effective warm-up
for those, and one of the trendsetters for giallo. Mario Bava's influence
(especially from Blood and Black Lace) is in evidence, and it's also
kinda spaghetti-Hitchcock. There's not much gore, but Argento makes up for
that with wince-inducing situations, such as a suggestive knife attack and
a razor assault that makes effective use of sound-as-gore. Intelligent plot
improves with repeated viewings. -zwolf
Black Christmas (C, 1975) AKA Silent
Night Evil Night, Stranger In The House
Bob Clark (who also brought you the excellent Deathdream and the plague-like
Porky's) laid the groundwork for the slasher-movie phenomenon with
this genuinely creepy horror film about a psycho hiding in a sorority house
and terrorizing the girls. He kills a few (there's very little blood; this
movie doesn't need it) and acts very, very insane, making a series of truly
disturbing and demented obscene phone calls using multiple voices and talking
about a baby and somebody named Billy and making awful noises. You can easily
see the influence of this on Halloween and especially When A Stranger
Calls. The ending confuses everybody, but I like it even though I don't
particularly understand it; it adds to the nightmarishness of it all. One
of the cornerstones of a horror film education. -zwolf
Black Cobra (C, 1987) AKA Cobra
Nero
Some Eurotrash bikers (short-haired, Kawasaki-riding posers who wear studded
black leather jackets to the beach) go around robbing and killing for no apparent
reason. One of them has pictures taken of him while trying to attack a girl
(she wards him off with the camera's flash, even though he's wearing sunglasses...
at night). Tough guy makes-his-own-rules cop Fred Williamson is assigned to
protect the girl, because even though the pictures didn't turn out, the thugs
don't know that. Usually Fred has more trouble dealing with his finicky cat
Purvis than he does the bad guys, who give him time to somersault on the ground
before every shot he fires. Guys also empty their guns shooting through doors.
In other words, it's a stupid-ass by-the-numbers Italian action flick with
all the things that entails, including a cheap synthesizer score and - yes
- sequels! Definitely nothing special, but Fred Williamson does have a screen
presence, and though you won't be thrilled, you won't be particularly bored,
either. They oughtta be sued for copyright, though, because Fred pulls a direct
not-even-trying-to-hide-it steal of the Dirty Harry "Do you feel lucky...?"
speech. (Lead-plated bullets?!?) -zwolf
Black Demons
(C, 1991)
Fraudulently passed off as a sequel to the Demons series, this is actually
a late entry into the Italian zombie gore-flick genre, directed by Umberto
Lenzi. Some students in Brazil are studying the music of voodoo rites, and
one records a Macumba ritual. Visiting an old plantation, he foolishly plays
it in a cemetery, and graves burst into flame, tombstones bleed, and the rotting
corpses of former slaves burst up from the ground and start seeking prey,
using axes, scythes, and bailing hooks, gouging out eyes and chopping in heads
and pitchforking bellies. This is all great, but the only problem is, between
the episodes of graphic mayhem you have to suffer the atrocious combination
of some of the worst actors ever struggling to deliver some of the clumsiest
dialogue ever penned. And it's not even dubbed this time. Still, fans of zombie
epics are used to bad acting, and even though there are only six zombies,
the makeup on them is great - it's always important to have creepy-looking
zombies. And the gore effects are good. So, you may not mind overlooking the
awkward scripting or such things as the zombies being able to sneak up behind
people even though they're wearing clanking leg chains and would be reeking
to high heaven... -zwolf
Black Gestapo (C, 1975)
AKA Ghetto Warriors
A somewhat-militant black organization, the People's Army, is formed to take
care of problems in their own community. It does good things at first, detoxing
drunks, keeping pushers out, and trying to protect people from racist white
gangster scumbags. But under the guidance of Col. Kojah (Charles Robinson)
it turns into a violent vigilante organization, castrating white rapists (and
flushing their balls down the toilet!) and cracking down on the mob... which
soon results in a black vs. white mob war. But soon the People's Army is corrupt,
not trying to get the crime out of the community but instead controlling it
themselves, and because they've been trained as a military force they're even
harder to deal with. One of their generals (Rod Perry, from Black
Godfather) who's still dedicated to the original, positive concept has
to stop this new incarnation on his own... with help from automatic weapons
and explosives. Excessively-violent Blaxploitation from the Nazi-obsessed
(and, ironically, Jewish) director of Love Camp Seven, Lee Frost. It's
good, the action scenes are strong, but it ain't pleasant. -zwolf
Black Godfather (C,
1974) AKA Street War
J. J. (Rod Perry) and his friend get shot up trying to rob a house,
and only J. J. makes it out alive, and only because he's saved by Big Nate
Williams, a numbers boss who has plans for him. J. J. learns fast (while the
credits are going, apparently) and becomes a big-time operator, wanting to
get bigger. He aligns with a black activist who doesn't approve of him but
agrees to help him since he says he'll run the drug pushers out of the community,
even if he has to go to war with a white crime boss. This, o' course, leads
to conflict, much of it violent and exotic, involving spears, blowguns, kung-fu
catfights, and meat cleavers. Midline blaxploitation, but that's not bad since
most of the genre's films weren't bad at all. Rod Perry was back the next
year in the even more violent Black Gestapo. -zwolf
The Black Raven (B&W, 1943)
Cheapo PRC old-dark-house mystery with always-sinister George Zucco as a criminal
called the Black Raven who runs an inn which is also called The Black Raven.
During a bad storm, several people get stranded there, including an eloping
couple, the bride-to-be's shady-politician father, a bank embezzler, an escaped
con with a vendetta against Zucco, and Zucco's brother, Glen Strange (who
was also with Zucco in The Mad Monster). When one of them gets murdered, everyone's
suspect, and there's also a hunt going on for some supposedly-hidden gold.
This results in more killing. Very cheap and creaky, but keeps moving. -zwolf
Black Sabbath (C, 1963)
Mario Bava's favorite among his films is a trio of horror stories based (supposedly
- and minutely at best) on works by Chekov, Tolstoy, and Maupassant. The order
they're in depends on if you're seeing a reworked American print (A Drop
of Water, The Telephone, The Wurdilak) or the original Italian
version (The Telephone, The Wurdilak, A Drop of Water),
which is on DVD. "The Telephone" is a somewhat-familiar (nowadays
- it was novel in '63) tale of a woman being threatened by a psycho who keeps
calling her and who seems to know everything she's doing. "The Wurdilak"
stars Boris Karloff as a Russian vampire who preys on those he loves most.
And "A Drop of Water" is about a woman who steals a ring from the
ghastly-looking corpse of a medium, who returns to get it back... None of
the stories are especially surprising or brilliant, but the stylishness of
Bava's direction is, and it makes this movie a horror powerhouse that's essential
viewing. This is one of Bava's best, and that's 'bout as big a recommendation
as any film will ever get. -zwolf
A Blade in the Dark (C,
1983) AKA La Casa con la Scala nel Buio, House of the Dark Stairway
What a cool pre-credit sequence! A kid ("Bob" from House by the Cemetery
- he's in every Italian horror movie somewhere) is dared by
two other kids to go into a dark basement in pursuit of a ball... You can
tell that director Lamberto Bava learned a lot from his father Mario, as well
as Dario Argento. And, as shown by his influence on his father's film Shock,
he has a thing for Exacto knives. A composer who does scores for horror films
moves into a creepy villa to get inspired for his work, but may get more inspiration
than he bargained for. Soon after he moves in a woman is slashed to death
through a chickenwire fence, and he notices weird whisperings in the music
he's been recording. Later another woman is killed (pretty disturbing - not
so much because of the gore, though it's strong, but because of the killer's
crazy reaction to the event). The composer begins to suspect that killing
are going on - he keeps finding evidence - but before he unravels it, he may
become a victim. The dubbed dialogue is bad, with bad vocal choices - one
woman has sinus problems and the killer sounds like Mickey Mouse - and the
pacing isn't so hot (too much time spent watching this guy mix tapes), and
the ending is just tossed-off and predictable, but there are still some strong
shock scenes and an overall creepiness, perhaps more reminiscent of Dario
than of Mario... -zwolf
Blair Witch Project (C, 1999)
Hey, you really can make a good movie in your backyard! The Most Profitable
Movie of All Time (cost like $30 grand to make and grossed hundreds 'n' hundreds
o' millions... that's a return-on-investment of... let's see... a real whole
bunch!), and you probably already know as much about it as me and I've seen
it a dozen times. Basically, it's one of the most original horror movies in
years (although the "found footage" concept has been used - anybody
remember Cannibal Holocaust? And did anybody watch the even cheaper
$900 feature, The Last Broadcast?) and it may save the sagging horror
genre 'cuz (A) it's actually scary, not funny, and (B) there are no special
effects at all. Unless stick figures and piles of rocks are special to you.
Plot is simple: three college kids go out into the woods to research the legend
of a witch, and they get lost and stalked by something unseen, and end up...
well, let's just say they're never seen again and all they find is the footage
they shot, which makes up the entire movie. But, on this one ya can't really
stop with just the movie. There's a cool website for info on the legend, a
comic book recounting the history of the Blair Witch, a book detailing the
search for the missing students, and even a "soundtrack" CD with
the goth songs that were on the tape left in Josh's car. (The CD has some
extra footage you can watch on a computer - just in case you don't have one,
it's just Josh wanting to try to signal planes, and Heather and Mike telling
him he's nuts). There was also an "In Search Of"-style mockumentary
that aired on the Sci-Fi Channel and another short film called Burkittsville
7 that aired on a cable service (that one's mostly about Rustin Parr).
This doesn't quite live up to the hype, but the hype was so heavy that nothing
could. And, even though the movie does get a little tiresome with all the
"oh damn we're lost in the woods" stuff and only really gets tense
in the last ten minutes, this one is a definite must-see. The unsteady camera
work caused some sensitive members of the audience to puke, and the intensity
of the film caused one girl in the theater I was in to start crying... that's
so cool! -zwolf
The Blanchville Monster
(B&W, 1963) AKA Horror
A young lady returns to an old gothic castle to find that the father she though
had died in an abbey fire is actually alive, but horribly scarred, insane,
and out to kill her because he believes an ancient family prophecy that their
lineage will end if she reaches the age of 21. He sneaks around at night,
hypnotizing her into walking around the grounds, trying to lead her to a tomb
and trying to convince her that she's dead. He puts her into a death-like
state in hopes that she'll be buried alive, which was enough to get this marketed
as being based on a story by Edgar Allen Poe. The pace is a bit too slow,
but this Italian/Spanish co-production does manage a lot of gloomy, morbid
atmosphere. -zwolf
Blank Generation
(C, 1979)
A birth-of-a-rock-star movie about punk (or New Wave, really - Richard Hell
ain't all that punk) is kind of a weird concept, given punk's no-rock-stars
philosophy, but that's what we've got here. Punk also-ran Richard Hell stars
(backed by the Voidoids) as Billy, a down-and-coming punker getting a record
contract and rising on the 1979 NYC punk scene while trying to maintain his
relationship with waaaaaaay-too-goddamn-pretty-for-him French girlfriend Carole
Bouquet. This isn't easy since her temper explodes over absolutely nothing
on a regular basis. Both of their careers suffer; he's distracted by being
dissatisfied with getting what he wanted, and she's distracted by being too
pretty for him, I guess. They break up and she goes on to conduct astoundingly
pretentious interviews about cinema, and Richard keeps playing the same three
or four punk songs over and over. The film meanders along until it finally
gets so pointless that Andy Warhol shows up for a couple of minutes (mainly
to just sit there and pretend he's *not* there - how brilliantly artistic
of him!), and Richard and his girlfriend make up beause... why not? Directed
by Ulli Lommel (The Boogeyman) and not really about much of anything.
There's no real story and nothing really happens but I suppose that's the
point. Not badly made, though, and the musical numbers are decent. -zwolf